Husband Addicted?

How do know if my husband has a problem with internet pornography?

by Stuart Vogelman

The following warning signs should lead you to ask your husband some questions and open some dialogue. The earlier you do this, the better. Remember that signs most likely will be gradual and subtle. This kind of sexual sin is easy to conceal in its early stages, can lead to addiction quickly and can be devastating in its later stages.

Does your husband prefer/demand to be alone while on the web?
Does he quickly click the mouse or adjust when you enter the room?
When you ask about this issue, do you receive aggressive and “righteous” indignation?
Does he dodge or deflect the issue?
Is he withdrawing from you and your kids?
Is he increasingly moody?
Is he using the internet extensively late at night or when no one is home?
Are you arguing over sex?
Is he losing interest in sex?
Is he asking you to engage in inappropriate activity?
Are there missing finances?
Does he conceal the credit card bill from you?
Is he defensive about what you are looking at when you are using the computer—if it’s the same computer he uses?
If his primary source of Internet access is at work, is he spending more time there?
Are there unexplained charges on your phone bill?
Does he refuse to put an Internet filter or monitoring program on the computer where only you have the password? There is NO excuse for not having a filter on your computer!

None of these items alone proves your husband is having a problem. Evaluate these questions in the context of what is happening in your life currently. There may be other reasons for checking any one of these items. However, trust your judgment and instincts. Use this assessment as a vehicle to discuss the issue.

Approach him in love, not in a threatening way. Watch his reaction (blushing, eye contact, defensiveness etc.) If you sense a problem, do not let it drop for a long period of time. Pornography is highly addictive and escalates rapidly to more serious stages. If he senses your condemnation, he will withdraw and defend. If he senses your understanding and caring, he may be willing to open up a bit and start a dialogue. You may need to work into the discussion over a period of days.

If you don’t know what to do, consult your pastor. However, while many pastors are informed regarding internet pornography issues, some are not. We can provide information on how to check you computer for pornography and other resources to protect your home and get help. There are good resources out there.

For more information about mental health, substance abuse, and sexual addiction resources, contact 1-800-NEWLIFE or visit www.newlife.com.

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All information and content are for informational purposes only. Information presented is not intended to be a substitute for professional mental health counseling or therapy. Always seek the advice of a mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment choices or changes in your treatment (including medications), or with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition.For more information about mental health, substance abuse, and sexual addiction resources, contact 1-800-NEWLIFE or visit www.newlife.com or visit Heart to Heart Counseling Center at www.sexaddict.com or call 719-278-3708.